Silent Cry, Lonesome Tears
by mikigurl
Summary: Tomoyo is now walking down the asile, about to be married. She thinks back to all the memories of her love life she had as well as her sad past, and she tells us the story of her life from beginning to end!
1. Simple, Ordinary, Girl

**Silent Cry, Lonesome Tears **

**Mona-chan: **Hey everyone! Can you believe I'm starting on my second fan fiction when my first one has only 2 chapters? I'm writing the 3rd chapter now of Above Heights of Heaven, Below Depths of Hell (also in the CCS category), but to get through my writers block, I'm writing this. This story is sort of based on my personal experiences. It's kind of different from your normal romance of SxS. The story will be in Tomoyo's P.O.V (point of view). Well, read and enjoy! And remember to read Above Heights of Heaven, Below Depths of Hell too! Arigato!

(A/N...) – my thoughts...author notes

Italics – flashbacks or thoughts

'....' – Thought quotations

--...-- - Change of scene

* * *

**Prologue – Simple, Ordinary Girl**

My heart hurt. It throbbed painfully over and over with every step I took, every thought I thought. Now as I step down the wedding aisle with my groom, I think of my childhood memories, and how much I've changed. My life was drowned in sadness previously, but now it's full of bliss. The artificial smile I had on finally became a genuine smile again. The hurt etched deep inside my heart disappeared at last; it had been there for so many long years. Let me tell you a story of a simple, ordinary girl, living a simple, ordinary life. My name is Tomoyo Daiidouji. I am that girl.

Everything started back in fourth grade. That was when I met two boys - Syaoran and Eirol. The day I met those two, I never thought that they would have such a strong impact on my life (A/N: I'm very aware Tomoyo& Sakura met Eirol and Syaoran on different days, but hey...read the words....fanfiction!) Sure, I was excited, like the rest of my classmates. Two exchange students in a year – one from Hong Kong and one from England. Who wouldn't be excited? However, it never came into consideration for me that the day I met those two boys, everything would change forever.

Sakura and I became good friends with Eirol and Syaoran almost immediately, as we were all linked somehow to the whole Card Captor issue. I was the only one that was linked to the Card Captor issue indirectly. I had no magic whatsoever, but that didn't matter. We were friends, and that was all that ever mattered to me. Nothing mattered but friendship. Not love, not anything. Just friendship. But who knew friendship could stir feelings at the heart?

We all had missions of our own. Syaoran was set out to capture the Clow Cards, a mission set out for him by the Li Clan. Eirol was the reincarnation of Clow Reed, the man who made the Clow Cards. Sakura was working hard to become the mistress of the Clow Cards. I was set out to be a clothes designer and I loved videotaping. I was always seen either designing clothes for Sakura or videotaping her. After all, I was the best friend and cousin of the soon-to-be Card Mistress. Those days were the good days. Back then we were all so innocent, like all children are, and love was out of the question.

In fifth grade, however, things were very different... although few noticed it. Sakura made a strong bond with Syaoran. I could see that a relationship was already blooming, although they themselves didn't notice it. At that time the relationship was only a friendship, but nonetheless, it began to grow. At the same time, a strong friendship grew between Eirol and myself.

Sakura believed back then that I couldn't love. I was always the one that was always giving her support. She never thought that someday I might need her support. Sakura always teased me playfully about Eirol because of our friendship. I didn't love Eirol, however strong our friendship may have been.

Time passed by fast, and it soon got to the end of fifth grade, where all the Card Captor days had gone by. All the Clow Cards had been turned into Sakura Cards. Kero returned into the book of Clow. Ruby Moon and Yue remained as their human forms most of the time, and barely got to see us anyway. Spinnel Sun stayed at Eirol's home. We became middle school students and switched schools. Everything else changed, but friendship stayed the same. Or I thought it did. But I was in for a big change.

Time was a blur now. Sixth grade came and went, and I realized the one I really loved was Syaoran, though I didn't have a clue why. I knew though that now it was too late for my feelings. Sakura and Syaoran now possessed a bond that was too strong to be broken, the bond of love. Besides, I knew how much Sakura loved Syaoran. How much they loved each other. I couldn't interfere. Instead, I decided to be a good friend to them both. I kept the secret to myself, confiding in no one.

In seventh grade, I longed for Syaoran even more. I didn't know why, but it made me confused inside. What I would do... if he even gave one glance towards me. But all his attention was on Sakura. He had no time for me - that was for sure. He would come up to me once in a while because we were friends. He would ask me to help him about Sakura. He knew I would help. Because I am the reliable, composed, cool-headed Tomoyo. I always know what to do, right...? Wrong. That's just what everyone thinks but they're all wrong. Do they know what lies inside, beneath this calm exterior? Jealousy. Confusion. Hate.

I was jealous of Sakura, but kept quiet about it. She was still my best friend, and I loved her. But I was jealous all the same. When I saw them together, I became green with envy. When we were all together, I tried to enjoy myself. Trying not to notice their happiness was so painful. It was hard, but I managed, fooling everybody with my unruffled and serene personality. I had succeeded on the outside, but on the inside I was hurting more than ever. I felt that inside I would never succeed.

I was confused as well. Now I didn't know if I truly loved Syaoran, or I just wanted to be better friends with him. Maybe it was because I wanted to know someone cared for me. Whatever the case, what was so special about that boy? What was so special about the boy with chocolate-colored hair that fell right above his eyes? I didn't know. He was just so nice. He was funny. He was like me, different on the inside. He was lonely and cold on the outside, but warm on the inside. I was calm on the outside, lonely on the inside. He knew a lot about how I felt. But he didn't know all that I felt. Or else he would have known about my admiration, my love, of him. But he didn't. I didn't think he would. Because nobody would ever understand that feeling, not even me. Love is perplexing, and I don't think it's meant to be solved. I try to solve the puzzle of love, but to no avail.

The last feeling under that cool exterior was hate. I didn't hate anyone really. Except for myself. Why wasn't I good enough? I always seemed happy when I was younger, video-taping away. I was for a while, but things had changed now. I always commented on how beautiful Sakura was but inside I was wishing I were just as beautiful she. I put on a smile everyday as usual, and it still fooled everyone. I fooled the dense but insightful Sakura, the smart and cunning Syaoran, and the mysterious and knowledgeable Eirol. Everyone.

In eighth grade, Sakura continued to tease me about Eirol. Did I show signs of liking Eirol or was Sakura just as dense as ever? She meant it as a joke, playfully...but she didn't know how I really felt. She never knew whom my heart really belonged to. I usually just laughed at her comments and reassured her I didn't like him, which was the truth. But I wasn't telling the whole truth. Because that meant telling her I loved Syaoran. And there would never be a day that those words would come out tumbling out of my mouth. Never.

What pained me even more was that Syaoran didn't know. Of course he didn't know... I didn't tell him. I would never have the nerves to tell him, confused as I was of my situation. He always paid attention to Sakura, when he didn't know how much **I** loved him inside. It felt that I held more love for him than Sakura ever would and nobody knew. He didn't know I was the one that always noticed him first, wherever he was. He didn't know that he filled my thoughts every day, every moment. He didn't know that I was the one that cried for him every night. Tears slid out of eyes, every single night. I wished he knew. But he didn't.

They say there's no such thing as fate, that everyone makes their own decisions that lead them on the path of life. But only fate would make a person suffer in the name of love, like I was suffering back then. There had to have been such a thing as fate because I already made **my** decisions, so why was I still in the same place as always? Why wasn't I going anywhere?

* * *

**Mona-chan: **So how is it? Sad? I hope so because I tried to make it sad. This is a romance and along with romances always comes heartbreaking and painful plots. So please review because EVERY SINGLE one counts! Sorry this was so short but it's hard to write long chapters! Gomen! Anyway, thanks! Read Above Heights of Heaven, Below Depths of Hell, too! Arigato! Emails treasured at . I can't wait to hear from you! 


	2. Change of Mind

**Silent Cry, Lonesome Tears**

**Mona-chan: **I got three reviews! WOOO! Hip, hip, hurray! I don't think this story will be very long, especially compared to my other one. I'm sorry about all the author notes in this chapter, but I can't help putting them in! I forgot the disclaimer in the last chapter so don't sue me! Yume-chan notified me that I got "Eriol" spelled wrong. It is "Eriol", not "Eirol". Sorry about that! Thanks, Yume-chan! Thank you's for the reviews are at the bottom.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the Card Captor Sakura characters. I also do not own the two high schools listed in this chapter (Jonan and Yotsubashi). They belong to Fushigi Yugi. The name Akito belongs to Kodocha. The only thing I own is this plot.

* * *

**Chapter 1 – Change of Mind**

The days and nights of crying made my eyes red and swollen. The nights of missing sleep made my eyes baggy and black.

It felt like no one cared. Sakura was always too busy with Syaoran. My father left our family for his own selfish needs. My mother, Sonomi Daiidouji, is always busy with her big time company to offer much love for her daughter. Eriol, it felt like he was in love with Sakura as well. Everyone loved Sakura, but no one loved me. In fact, it appeared to me as if everyone else was loved, everyone but me. I wanted the empty space in my heart to be filled.

Now it was 8th grade. I had developed into a beautiful girl, and everyone told me so. I was happy of all the comments, and now knew that people cared for me. I wasn't alone in the world, but sometimes I still believed I was. Because though a lot of people cared for me, there was one person who I wanted that didn't, well, not as much as I wanted him to. Li Syaoran. He cared for me in a way. He was glad to return favors when I asked him, because I had helped him so much in our younger years and because he was such a great friend. But he didn't care for me the way I wanted him to. I wanted him to love me more than a friend, but that would never happen, because of course, his love was still for Sakura, and always would be. He and Sakura both thought I loved Eriol. How wrong they were.

I must've seemed selfish, and at times I doubted myself. When I was in third and fourth grade, and my friendship with Sakura was still young, I tried to do everything I could to support it. Now that I was in 8th grade, I felt like I was betraying Sakura, by loving Syaoran. In fact I had felt like I was betraying her ever since the day I found out what my heart desired. But what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her, right? I still felt guilty.

On the other hand, wasn't Sakura betraying me? She paid a lot more attention to Syaoran than me nowadays. I guess I should've figured this out years ago. That someday I wouldn't be the most important in her life. All those years of friendship seemed to be wasted away.

9th grade came and went. It was the last year of junior high school (A/N: I think the Japanese system elementary school is 1-6 and middle school is 7-9. I don't know about high school. I kind of messed that up in my story! Gomen!). The last day of the school year of 9th grade felt like the most heartbreaking day in my life. All of us took tests earlier in the year to get into the high schools we wanted to go to, and we all passed our tests (A/N: In Japan, students take a test to get into high school). That was great. However, our picks were based on our parents' views. We dared not oppose them, and took tests for whatever high school they wanted us to get into. Sakura and I went to Jonan High School, and Syaoran and Eriol went to Yotsubashi High School. Jonan was a top high school in Japan for girls and Yostubashi was a top high school in Japan for boys. So there, the paths of our lives separated. After all the long years – 6 years to be exact – of knowing Eriol and Syaoran, the path of our lives were separated. We took different roads in our lives, and went to different schools. I had known Sakura for 7 years now, and it looked to be us, alone again.

Sakura and I became close together in our bond again in 10th grade. However, I knew that Syaoran was still on her mind. There would be days when she was so deep in thought that she completely ignored me. Of course, Syaoran wasn't only on Sakura's mind, but mine as well. Now that we became so distant from them because of our schools, I missed Syaoran more. The four of us met together rarely. We usually got together only on vacations or weekends. We had to enjoy the time we had together, but it was hard on my part to enjoy it thoroughly.

Of course I loved seeing our friends again. I did enjoy the wonderful times we scarcely had with one another. But the feeling of jealousy always overruled my feeling of happiness. I felt like a selfish girl who knew nothing but herself. But I couldn't help it. The feeling of jealousy always showed up. Now I was even more furious with Sakura. It wasn't right, I knew. She had done nothing wrong. But I just couldn't stand it. Every time I would see them hug, kiss, show love or affection, the jealousy feeling showed up. Sometimes I would get so angry I would want to pull them apart, separate them forever, to know how I felt. I wanted to scream at them and see how they liked it. I wanted them to feel my miserable pain. I wanted them to know the true me. But I couldn't do these things. Who would expect Tomoyo Daiidouji to do these unreasonable things? I was still able to keep the calm exterior, but the inside of me was burning up.

After 10th grade, we decided to get together in the summer break. That was just as hard, seeing as we had too many of our own activities as well as homework and other things that occupied our day (A/N: Japanese students have homework in the summer. At least I'm pretty sure they do. Correct me if I'm wrong. I'm sure Chinese students do, though). We were all pressured with our grades, so that didn't work out as we'd thought it would have.

This was very distressing, but it gave us all some time to think on our own. Or at least it gave me some time to think. I had to reflect on my life and what was happening. Why should I be wallowed up in misery? I wanted to live my life happily, just like all my other friends. I decided to try and forget about Syaoran. I needed to move on with my life.

Reaching my decision, in 11th grade I decided to date boys from other schools and forget all about my love for Syaoran. With the help of Sakura, I had many hookups with boys and dates. I had to get Syaoran off my mind. As I told you, by 8th grade I had grown into a beautiful girl. After that, I was no long hoping that I was as beautiful as Sakura. All that ended right there. Nevertheless, up until the summer before 11th grade, I was still hoping Syaoran would love me. But now I was pushing all those hopes and wishes away from me. I wanted them to disappear. I wanted to start a new feeling of love. And so I did. Or almost did.

Akito Sasaki was a handsome boy who was in the same grade as myself. I started dating him in 11th grade. He went to Jenbo High, the school located on the same campus as Jonan. Jenbo was the second top school in Japan for boys.

Akito had light brown locks that would hide his shy and cute face. He had deep meaningful brown eyes as beautiful as day and night. His smile was captivating and genuine. Besides Akito's great features, he also had a great personality. He was kind, smart, and _caring._ That was the thing I felt like I lacked in such a long time. I lacked the feeling of people caring for me. But that was gone now, because it was exactly what Akito did. He cared for me.

By the middle of 11th grade, I had pushed thoughts of Syaoran to the back of my head for good, or at least I thought for good. He had disappeared in my mind as far as thoughts of love about him. Akito and I shared a wonderful love, or at least that's what it seemed to be at the time. It also helped that I hadn't made contact or seen Syaoran in quite a while. By 12th grade, we were boyfriend and girlfriend. We had great times together. We'd always talk, kiss, hug, and show affection to each other. Just like Sakura had always done with Syaoran. I was no longer envious and I finally knew the meaning of happiness.

I could see that Sakura was happy for me too. She didn't mean to ruin my happiness and bliss; she just wanted us to have a good time with our old friends. But with her innocent deed, she hurt my relationship with Akito badly. She hurt my happiness, unknowingly.

The summer after 12th grade, Sakura called me on the phone. She told me to come over to her house as soon as possible, but not telling me why. I figured it must have been something important, or Sakura wouldn't have interrupted my daily tasks. It sounded important too, by hearing the excited and rushed voice of Sakura's on the phone. I told my lady bodyguards I needed a ride to Sakura's house. They already knew where it was because they had been driving there ever since I was in 3rd grade, when I met Sakura. I put on my blue coat and stepped into my shoes, getting in our limo. The bodyguards dropped me off at Sakura's house as I waved good-bye. I rushed up to the door. I patted my clothes down and back into place. I breathed in deeply first, and then pressed the doorbell. _'Ding Dong,'_ it rang. Sakura ran to the door and told me to come to her car.

Fujitaka Kinomoto, Sakura's father, drove us in the car. I asked Sakura where we were going but she refused to tell me. She told me it was a surprise. When we got close to our destination, she told me to close my eyes. She tied a cloth around my eyes to blindfold me. Sakura and I (blindly) waved goodbye to her dad as he drove away. Sakura led me up to the steps. She rang the doorbell. There was silence, except a few whispers. What was happening? Sakura helped me step into a room. I took off my shoes, and Sakura led me to a couch. She said hello to somebody else in the room. There were two others with us. Wait a minute...I knew those voices. Sakura took off the cloth from my eyes and in front of me were two grinning boys. Eriol and Syaoran.

My two friends that I had not seen in so long! I was so excited! But as soon as the excitement rushed in, the memories flooded back. I gasped, color leaving my face. All my thoughts of love with Syaoran rushed back upon seeing his face in front of me. I didn't really forget about Syaoran. Thoughts of him were pushed to the back of my head, but I never forgot him. I still loved him. My relationship with Akito was ruined. I didn't want my life to be drowned in misery again, but I knew I loved Syaoran, and that was the truth. It was too hard to move on.

My three friends peered strangely at my face. I realized I had put on a horrifying face and blushed. "Are you alright?" they had asked (A/N: Woot! First dialogue!). I told them I was fine and smiled, laughing my trademark laugh.

"Oh, ho, ho, ho..." I laughed and put on a cheery smile. To cover up, I just told them I was just so excited to see them. Everyone laughed heartily. We had a great time together. But every single second I tried to enjoy, a little voice inside my headed shouted nasty things at me.

"I have to go," I told them. They wanted me to stay, but I truly couldn't. I called my bodyguards on my cell phone and they came to pick me up. I offered Sakura a ride home but she told me she would stay a while longer. Syaoran, Sakura, and Eriol all waved goodbye to me. I could see none of them wanted me to leave, but Eriol in particular had an unusual expression written across his face. An expression of concern. An expression of suspicions. An expression of _love_.

'_No, Tomoyo!'_ I thought to myself. Of course Eriol didn't love me, especially now that our friendship was drifting apart. I didn't love Eriol and he didn't love me. That was the end of that. Brushing the thought away, I decided that tomorrow I would have to break up with Akito.

Two days later, Akito called. I was in my room, doing my homework from 12th grade as well as the entry homework to college. '_Beep, beep,'_ the phone rang.

I picked it up and spoke into it, "Moshi, moshi. Daiidouji residence. Tomoyo speaking."

Out of the other end came a soothing voice, "Hey Tomoyo. It's Akito." I gasped. "What's the matter?" he asked, "I just called because I really miss you and I haven't seen you in so long. Maybe we can get together soon sometime?" He was so sweet. Calling to because he missed me...but there was no time to consider that! Now was my chance to break up with Akito, even though it was going to be hard and I didn't want to do it at all. But I knew I had to. For Akito's sake. I couldn't love two people at the same time. It would be wrong. Just because my life was so depressing didn't mean I had to make Akito miserable too.

I cleared my throat twice. "Akito...I don't know where to begin." I think he had a feeling that something bad was going to happen. "Well..." I faded off until my voice was nothing.

He helped me, "Well, Tomoyo, sweetie...how about starting to tell me what's going on?" He said this in a gentle, curious voice. It made me feel guilty at first, but then I remembered I was doing this for his own good as well as mine.

I mumbled softly, "I'm sorry." I could see that I was puzzling him. I had to cut to the chase, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings. And I still wanted us to be friends. Oh god, why couldn't anything go my way?

"...What, Tomoyo...?" He said just as softly. "Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything...."

"Oh, Akito! I'm sorry...!!" I spoke quickly. "I don't think this is going to work out...we can't...we can-n-n-t be lovers...anymore," I faltered, thick tears making their way down my face. I sobbed loudly over the phone.

Akito heard me and said, "Baby, Tomoyo...why are you crying? Why can't we be lovers anymore? I love you, Tomoyo Daiidouji. I love you with all my heart. Why do we need to break up? Don't you love me, Tomoyo? What's the matter? I'm sorry for whatever I did wrong to make you think this way! I can improve, Tomoyo, I promise..." He spoke his words desperately, "Tomoyo! I can be a better man for you...just give me another chance..."

His words stuck into my heart like frozen icicles. His words hurt enough to penetrate my heart. They pained me so much. For the third time, I had to remind myself this was for Akito's own good. More tears slid down my face. We remained silent for a couple of seconds like this. Then I broke the silence, whispering, "...Akito, it's for your own good. We can't be together anymore. I thought I loved you. I do love you. But I love someone else too...I can't put you into this misery. I'm ending it here...you don't deserve to have a miserable life, Akito..."

After that sentence, I turned off the phone. Akito shouted something into it, but I couldn't decipher the words. It sounded something like, "Tomoyo! I love you...." I sighed and got up, wiping the tears off my face.

* * *

**Thank you to:**

**yumewolf-chan** – When are you updating Cupid's Arrow? –looks at review history- Hmm.....Thanks for reviewing!

**Angel Frost **– Hey, thanks for reviewing! I know, who wouldn't fall for Syaoran? He's so cute.

**Sifuana Auria** – Yup. Tomoyo's always a nice friend. Thanks for reviewing!

**Mona-chan:** Hmm...I got three reviews on this chapter and 11 on my other story so far!! ...YAY! Hehe...! I'm happy!! Well, again, please REVIEW, REVIEW, and REVIEW!! Arigatou minna-san!!!!! By the way, can anybody help me learn some Japanese words? Minna means everybody, right? What exactly does moshi moshi mean? Something on the phone...kawai - cute. What is kyaa? Ohayo - hello. Konichiwa - good morning. What else? Please help. Thanks!! Emails welcome at !!


	3. Just Remember I Love You

**Silent Cry, Lonesome Tears**

Mona-chan: Hey everyone! Thanks for the three reviews! I'm sorry I have not updated in such a long time (almost a month), but I've been really busy with school, homework, projects, activities, and such. I also just got better from being sick for a week, so I haven't been able to update. Those of you who are waiting for ABH of H, BD of H, I am trying to fix my problems right now with the new feature, "backup/export", because I found I messed up some of the information and things. I also have no idea what chapter 3 will be about. Please stay patient with me! Thanks everyone for the support and the reviews to both stories. Thank You's will be listed at the bottom. I'm going skiing starting tomorrow and till like this Saturday or Sunday, so I won't be updating till after that…sometime when I find time. Anyway, enjoy! 

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters in this story associated with CCS. They belong to CLAMP (I wish they were mine, though!). I own only the plot of this story, and Akito, a character made up from my own crazy imagination.

Chapter 2 – Just Remember I Love You 

Akito called many times after my talk on the phone with him. Every time I picked up the phone, the caller ID said, "Sasaki." I always put the phone back down in its place, in order to avoid Akito.

But one day in the late summer, Akito came to visit me…

"_Ding Dong_," the doorbell rang that day (A/N: Just to warn you, there's a lot of dialogue in this chapter).

"Hello," I had said, while answering the door. Then I looked at the person I was speaking to (A/N: Guess who??). Akito was standing at the door, his eyes sad and his expression distressing. His mouth was curved into a small frown.

"Can I come in?" Akito asked politely and casually. His voice made it felt like we were just two good friends ready to enjoy a cup of tea. But really, I knew we were going to discuss our relationship.

"Sure…" I faded off. I closed the door behind him and then took his coat and hung it up on one of the coat racks. I led him into one of the large rooms inside the mansion. I motioned to Akito to sit down, as I myself got comfortable in one of the sofa seats. Akito sat down besides me. I stared down at my feet the whole time, and there was an awkward silence between the two of us. I figure that we were both thinking about what to say to each other and not finding anything words that were working too well. Just as I was about to say something, Akito broke the silence.

"Tomoyo, please tell me what I did wrong. I can fix it, I promise!" Akito pleaded. I saw desperation in his eyes.

"Nothing," I replied truthfully. "I-I-just…" I struggled with my words and then suddenly burst into tears, not for the first time. Akito was shocked, but reacted quickly. He pulled me into a hug, and it felt like he was protecting me from all my misery. I was too tired to make an effort to stop him. Besides, I enjoyed this feeling. If only it would last. Akito's warmth made me feel wonderful, and soon my sobs turned into sniffles. But then, an image of Syaoran ran through my mind. It reminded me of what I had to do. I cried heavily again. Akito said nothing but pulled me to his body tighter. He tried to brush the tears away, but it didn't help much, because they just kept on falling down, one-by-one, harder and harder, like they would never stop.

The sound of my crying got softer and softer until it completely faded away. I hiccupped a few times, but besides that, all was quiet again.

Everything that had happened up until now felt like a dream. Time had passed by too quickly. I was lost and fell into a state of further confusion.

All of a sudden, I spoke. "Akito…do you want to know why I decided to b-break up with y-you?" I stuttered. Akito deserved some answers.

"Yes," he whispered in my ear. I flinched slightly as I pulled his arms off me. I motioned for Akito to sit down, as I myself got comfortable in one of the sofa seats in the room. Akito sat next to me.

I began explaining, choosing my words carefully. "Akito…I'm sorry. These days have just been really, really hard. My whole life has been hard. But then you came into my life. You don't know how much you changed my life. I was finally happy. I'm really, really sorry. Please forgive me, Akito. Can we still be friends…?" I begged. Akito stared at me, confusion written across the full length of his handsome face. I realized I was clearly not making sense to him. I sighed and went on, "The cause of my misery was jealousy. I was jealous of my best friend, Sakura--"

Akito cut me off, "You mean the girl with auburn hair and green eyes? The one that walks home with us sometimes?"

I breathed out deeply, "Yes." Akito made a motion for me to go on with my explanation.

"Anyway, Sakura, her boyfriend – he goes to Yotsubashi High – is also our long time friend. He was a person I secretly loved, two years after I met him. I've loved him since sixth grade. Then you came to my life and now I'm not jealous anymore. But I realized that I still love the boy that I loved in sixth grade. I've tried to move on, but it's just too hard. I can't forget him. And it's not right to make you miserable, too. You were a great boyfriend, Akito. You deserve better. You deserve a person better than me. And that's why I've got to let you go."

Akito stayed unspoken for a few seconds, letting my words sink in. Then he said, "Tomoyo. Tomoyo Daiidouji, I love you. Don't you understand that? If I was such a great boyfriend, why are you doing this? Why are you running to someone who doesn't love you back? You need to move on. Forget about that boy. I, Akito Sasaki, **love** you. Why don't you get it?" He flooded me with questions I couldn't answer. But most painful word to hear was _love._ The word came out of his mouth and it felt like a shot to my heart.

I blinked back a few tears.

I was startled by Akito's expression. His voice and face were calm, yet his eyes were fierce. I looked into his eyes again. I saw the fire in his eyes begin to dull. It was replaced by doubt, misery, desperation, and confusion. This was all **my** fault. I had to break up with him. Now. Before I caused him any more pain. But what if I would just hurt him again, ending all this so quickly?

I didn't know what to do or what to say. That was the first time I had felt so desperate, so helpless, so clueless, in many years. I remained unspoken in fear of saying the wrong thing.

"Alright!" Akito yelled. This time his expression, voice, and eyes all showed fury. I trembled at the anger in his voice. I could feel his patience growing thin. "Go off with your _precious_ boy! See what I care! I thought we had something, Tomoyo. I thought I found the girl of my dreams! …You know what, Tomoyo? I was right. I did have the girl of my dreams. You. But I guess I'm not the guy of your dreams," he said harshly.

"I'm sorry it had to turn out this way. I guess we're just not meant to be. I need to go," Akito said. He started to walk to the door to leave, and I followed. Akito turned around and told me, "Good-bye."

"G-g-good B-bye," I said, holding in another sob.

Akito opened the door, but before he stepped out the door, he said to me without turning around, "Tomoyo. Good-bye. Just remember I will always love you. Just remember…" His face was turned away from me, and I could only see his back, but I caught a tear falling down his beautiful face.

Akito walked away and I watched him go. His figure and his shadow got smaller and smaller, until he was completely out of sight.

I closed the door behind me softly. Sliding down the door and sinking down to my knees, I finally let the tears flow.

After my breakup with Akito, I never saw him again in high school, even though we were on the same campus. Actually, it was about 7 years before I met up with him again. The phone calls, emails, long walks, nights underneath the moon, and daily talks all stopped. He used to wait for me outside of Jonan or Jenbo high to walk me home. All that stopped too. I thought I saw glimpses of Akito once in a while, but I think I was only hallucinating. By the start of my university years, Akito was tucked away into a small corner of my mind as one of my sweet memories.

I think I missed Akito a lot. He was no longer on my mind, but he taught me many things. From that point on, I learned to enjoy life and I was no longer feeling jealous of Sakura. The hatred was fading away just as well. Confusion was still a part of my feelings, but that was expected.

My time with Akito was precious. In some ways I felt sad, but at the same time I felt relieved that I was able to start a new love life with all that Akito had taught me.

Two weeks from my breakup, Sakura called me. She asked how Akito was during our conversation. I calmly stated that I had broken up with him. I told her Akito just wasn't the one. I couldn't tell her the real reason.

Sakura sounded surprised and upset. Of course, she asked me to explain everything, which was fine with me. I explained about my phone call to him, telling him we were over. I explained about his visit to my house, and how I was in his arms one moment, and crying on the floor the next. I explained about how sad I felt when he told me good-bye. And last of all, and most important of all, I told Sakura about Akito's last words before he left. "Just remember I will always love you…"

Sakura sympathized with me but I don't think she really understood. I didn't blame her. I was just glad Sakura was feeling so concerned about me.

I looked at the clock, and it read 7 PM. The day was drawing to a close. That was when I told Sakura I needed to go. We said out good-byes and then I hung up the phone.

It was only late summer, but the weather seemed unusually like autumn. Leaves were already falling, although it wasn't autumn yet, and we weren't even back in school. The night was getting darker, but there was just enough daylight to see clearly. I thought it was the perfect time to go on a long, soothing, walk. Just like the walks I used to have with Akito. No one would be accompanying me this time, just myself, on a walk. But I wouldn't feel lonely. I would have some time to myself. Maybe to sort my feelings out, and maybe to get rid of some of the confusion I felt.

I hugged my coat tightly, pulling it up to my ears. The wind blew and autumn leaves swirled around me. With the wind came a voice I recognized. "Just remember I will always love you…!" Akito's last words. I sighed. The wind blew again, but this time it only succeeded in making me colder. I hugged my coat tighter and pulled it up further.

**Thank You to:**

**yumewolf-chan: **Yeah, its going to be an all Tomoyo P.O.V. Well…actually the last chapter may be in a normal P.O.V, 3rd person I think its called. Anyway, thanks for the review and the emails! Keep in contact!! And update your story as soon as you can!

**Angel Frost:** Thanks! Yep, so this chapter had some more Akito stuff in it. But this is probably the last time you'll hear of him till like the last chapter or something. Update your story soon!

**Sifauna Auria: **Thank you! You really think so? Well, part of it is because I based Tomoyo partly on myself, Sakura on my really good friend Victoria, and Syaoran on this guy named James. The whole story of our lives differs A LOT from my story, but it still helped me write this story.

**Mona-chan:** Haha…you guys, I just realized you three are my only reviewers and readers!! Haha…well, thanks for reading! I appreciate it a lot. Hopefully I'll get some more reviews, and readers, though. Please keep on supporting me by reviewing! Thanks, everyone!!!! I'll try to update soon!! Comments, questions, or concerns, email me at . Thanks everyone!! Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, and Happy Hanukkah!! Happy Holidays everyone!!!!!!!!


	4. Plans

**Silent Cry, Lonesome Tears**

**Mona-chan:** Ohayo, everyone! Konichiwa! Yes, yes, I'm very, very late on updating. I hope no readers think I'm being unfaithful to my fanfiction! And I am doing really badly with updating ATH of H, BTD of H! But I really need to change some major things on the story. I don't want to start the whole chapter back up because then I'll lose all my reviews…but it may come down to that. I have a question for any new reviewers and my three original reviewers (thanks, you guys for supporting me from the beginning!). Do you lose your reviews if you delete the chapter and edit from the program you wrote it on, and then update it? And is there any way to edit it without deleting the chapte? Anyway, so last chapter for this story was chapter 2, right? Hope you guys enjoyed it, but I think I got too into the whole, "Akito," business because it felt like I was kind of coming off the focus of Tomoyo loving Syaoran and all. And there was this little voice in my head telling me, "What's your problem? Tomoyo doesn't love Syaoran! This story doesn't even make it sound like that! Let her stay with Akito, you crazy fool!" So…yeah. lol Sorry about that. And one more thing, I'd just like to remind everyone Tomoyo is actually presently walking down the wedding aisle, and this story is really her life flashing before her eyes, and the memories she is remembering while she's walking down the wedding aisle. I read my story over again, and it sounded like I was talking about the present in this story. When she talks about Akito and her love life, it's her **PAST**. I just didn't think it sounded like that, so I thought I'd tell everyone. Also, thanks to anyone who reads these long talks I have before each chapter. Sometimes I do have important information here I need to say, and I appreciate if you read it. Of course, you can go ahead and skip it and just read my story and just review if you want, but just thanks to the ones who do. Anyway, this seems to have been my longest chat yet, so I really need to get going. Bye! Read and enjoy! Oh, and thank you's are at the bottom, as usual.

* * *

**Chapter 3 - Plans**

I remember, the days after I broke up with Akito, I hardly had time to drown in sadness, not that I wanted to anyway. For one reason - fall was approaching quickly. Of course, fall meant going back to school. This year, school was going to be very different. Sakura, Syaoran, Eriol, and I were going to college. We already received our diplomas and scholarships upon graduating high school (A/N: Ahh! I didn't include Tomoyo and the others' graduation! Eh…I'm stupid! Sorry! I didn't realize this until I started to write this chapter…). All four of us received scholarships to Tomoeda University, a very good university that was right by where we lived. Our parents wanted us to apply for Tomoeda University. However, we wanted to go to Tokyo University, an even better university, although it was farther away. It ended up that we all applied for Tokyo University. The question at that point of our lives was, would we get accepted? I recall that I constantly thought to myself, 'Would we get accepted? Would _I _get accepted?'

Sakura called one day, when I was worrying about the university application.

"Moshi, moshi," I answered, "Who is it?"

"Tomoyo! It's me! Sakura!" She shouted into the phone. I can still recall her excitement that day.

"Sakura! We haven't talked in such a long time! It's so nice to hear from you!" I sounded as thrilled as Sakura did.

We talked for a long time, so we could catch up with each other's lives. Then Sakura told me, "Listen, Tomoyo, I have a great idea. Since, you know, college starts soon, I think you and I should hang out with the guys! Like old times! Before we get too busy to see each other in college – even if we all get accepted into Tokyo University."

At that moment my heart jumped at the chance of seeing Syaoran. Trying not to sound to eager, I carefully chose my words. Slowly, I replied, "Have you asked Syaoran and Eriol yet? And when is this going to happen?"

I could imagine Sakura grinning on the other end of the phone line. She said, "Oh, I haven't worked out the details. We still need to ask those two, and we have to decide on the date, of course. I was thinking maybe, two days before Tokyo University begins – August 30th? We're going to get the letter from TU (A/N: I may refer to Tokyo University as TU sometimes...too lazy to type it out! xP) a week before it starts, so we can reschedule if some of us don't get accepted. Of course, I know all of us will get into TU, so we don't have to worry."

"Hopefully," I told her, a little doubtful.

"Anyway, I'll call Syaoran and Eriol later to tell you the news! Syaoran shouldn't be too hard to get a hold of, since I talk to him a lot anyway. I don't know about Eriol, but I think I'll be able to call him with no problem too. I'll call you to tell you later, okay? I need to go eat dinner now, though. Dad's calling!" Sakura said gleefully.

"Okay," I told her, "Bye."

"Bye," she said before hanging up. I put the phone on its hook, and then went to lie on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I smiled, my eyes dreamy.

* * *

A week before September 2nd, on August 25th, I received my letter from TU in the mail. Every day, I had checked for it, just in case it came a little early. But just as Sakura said, the letter came exactly one week before TU actually began. I remember shaking slightly while opening the letter. The suspense was killing me, but at the same time I was afraid to open it. The same feeling you get when you receive a test back that you weren't confident you did well on. 

The letter was typed neatly, on the official format that Tokyo University sent to all applicants. I held my breath before reading anything on the page. It read:

_Tomoyo Daiidouji,_

_Your application to Tokyo University was received and I would like to congratulate you on your acceptance. Tokyo University fall year 1998 – 1999 will begin on September 2nd, 1998. Please have all of your materials ready for the fall term. A list of necessary materials will be sent to you through mail two days after you receive this letter. We, the board of education, are looking forward to a new year with you attending TU. Thank you. _

_Best of Regards,_

_Masaki Soshito _

_Chairman of the Board of Education_

I screamed out loud that moment, jumping up and down. My mother, Sonomi (A/N: I haven't been mentioning her much, huh? Sorry about the "acceptance" letter! I know absolutely nothing about college here in the states, less about college in Japan), peered in through the doorway to the kitchen and asked, "What's all the ruckus about?"

I just held out the paper to her to read because I was too excited to say anything. "That's great!" My mother said as she hugged me tightly.

"I'm going to call Sakura and tell her the good news!" I called to my mom before running upstairs with the phone.

Fingers shaking from excitement, I dialed the numbers to Sakura's house. "Hello?" I asked.

"Moshi, Moshi, Sakura speaking?" Sakura answered the phone.

"Ohayo, Sakura!" I yelled.

"Ohayo, Tomoyo! Are you calling me about the Tokyo University letter? I was just going to call you about that!" Sakura yelled back at me.

"Yep," I told her, "Exactly right. Guessing from the tone of your voice, you got accepted!"

"Yeah! I'm so happy, I can't even put the feelings into words!" she confided to me. "And guessing from the tone of _your_ voice, you did too!"

"Yeah!" I said. "Did Eriol and Syaoran call you? Did they get accepted into TU? Are we going to be able to hang out together before college session starts? When will the date be? Where are we going?" I flooded Sakura with questions.

"Slow down there," she laughed. "Yes, Eriol and Syaoran both called me – actually Eriol was over at Syaoran's mansion when they called. Both of them got accepted into Tokyo University! They said it would be great to hang out with each other before college. The date will be August 30th, as I was hoping. As for where we're going, nobody planned it, really, so we're just going wherever we feel like it that day!"

I digested the information slowly. _Who knew Syaoran would be spending time with Eriol? _I laughed silently. _I can't believe we all got accepted into Tokyo! I'm so happy! And I'll be able to see Syaoran again, and Eriol too. This is going to be so much fun! _My head was swimming with thoughts. Out loud I said to Sakura, "Oh, this is going to be great!"

My mother started calling me so I told Sakura, "Mom's calling me to help her make dinner, so I need to go. But see you on August 30th, okay? I can't wait."

"Sure," Sakura replied, "I can't wait either. See you then! Bye."

"Bye," I said and hung up the phone.

I went to help my mother cook dinner. After eating, I went to my room and listened to some music. The whole night long, I thought about that day – August 30th. My head was full of thoughts, even when I closed my eyes and fell asleep. I dreamt of wonderful things and slept like an angel.

* * *

**Thank You to:**

**rubygurl: **Thank you! You're in the NT ring, aren't you? I'm glad someone took the time to read my story. I don't hear much from you on the posts though. Anyway, thanks for reviewing!

**yumewolf-chan: **Hey, Yume-chan! I haven't talked to you in a long time. Anyway, thanks for the review. Keep in touch, okay? And keep writing your stories!

**Angel Frost: **Thanks for the review and thanks for posting my fanfiction on your website! I realize you did this a while ago, but thanks anyway! I love your website…it's so pretty, lol. Keep up the good work, and keep writing your fanfic!

**Sifauna Auria: **Yep, I'm pairing Tomoyo up with someone at the end. Actually I didn't realize it was going to be this way until a while into the story. Can you guess who it is? It's a surprise…although I'm not very good at those. lol.

* * *

**Mona-chan: **Hey, you guys! Hope you liked this chapter. I'm sorry it took me so long to update, but I was really busy! And I'm not making up excuses. This chapter was kind of crappy, but it was hard for me to make it long and I just really wanted to get this out quick. Recently I had heartbreak too…I told you guys about the people I based this story on, right? Well, the person I based Syaoran on – my friend - liked someone else, and well, it just hurt pretty badly. Tomoyo's going to end up happy, even after the years of heartbreak, and I hope I do too. Anyway, enough about all that sad stuff! Please review! Thank you! Emails are very, very, welcome – just go to my profile – you'll find my email address there! Thanks! Review please, and I'll try to update fast! Bye! 


	5. August 30th

**Silent Cry, Lonesome Tears**

**Mona-chan: **Hey everyone! Whoa, I haven't updated in six months and that's just stupid! Time just flies by…But I will continue to write these two fan fictions until I finish! I promise all of you guys I **will** finish, no matter how long it's gonna take. And even if worse comes to worse (which I'm sure it will not) I'll email all my reviewers or upload a note saying I will not continue the story and then take it off As for SC, LT, I think there will only be a couple more chapters left. I think there's only going to be about three chapters left. At the end, when you guys review for my last chapter, I'll send an email to everyone that has one in their profile, or somehow get into contact with you. Because all of my reviewers have kept me going! So again, thank you for supporting me all the way! One more thing, recently I learned from a fellow fanfiction writer in one of the yahoo groups (newtrialsring for the fanfiction by Wish-chan) that we are not allowed to correspond with our reviewers during our updates anymore! I think this is absolutely** ridiculous.** I got an email about that and I signed a petition against it. When we get 200 authors we will send it to the people who made If you would like an email of the petition to sign please ask me and I will see if I can find it! This is the reason I will not be writing thank you's like usual to my reviewers at the bottom, but I do appreciate your reviews! I may be sending emails to everyone now instead. I'm also very sorry again for updating so late, but I hope you all will continue to read my stories. What with school, work at home, friends, other web sites I need to keep in priority I sometimes forget about my tasks such as updating fanfiction. It is kind of hard to update SC, LT now because when I started the story it was because I was kind of in a sad depressing type mood, and now I'm mostly happy (I also wrote it to get away from ATH of H, BTD of H for awhile). This chapter is very short and I wrote it sort of long ago, I just didn't get it uploaded on I edited and revised today. It's not very good because I really wanted to get this out quick since it's already been 6 months since my last update. At least it's a little more lighthearted than my previous chapters. Anyway, thank you all once again for supporting me through all of the chapters thus far!

Chapter 4 – August 30th 

The day August 30th had finally come. Sakura came early in the morning to take me to Syaoran's house. My mother, Sonomi, answered the door.

"Oh, Sakura! What a pleasant surprise to see you! Would you like to see Tomoyo?" Sonomi asked with a smile.

Sakura nodded. "Yes, please," she said politely.

"She's right up there," Sonomi pointed upstairs, where I was standing.

"Sakura!" I squealed and ran quickly down the stairs.

"Tomoyo!" she replied and stretched her arms out for a tight hug from me. "Let's leave now," she said.

"Okay!" I said eagerly. I turned to Sonomi and said, "Bye, mom! Sakura and I are going to meet with the guys so we can spend some time before college."

Sakura and I ran outside to her blue Toyota car. She sat in the driver's seat with the keys in her hand, while I sat in the passenger seat in the front. Sakura started the engine and off we were, to Syaoran's house, where I would finally see Syaoran and Eriol again.

About half an hour later, we arrived at Syaoran's house. He and Eriol greeted us at the front door. Both Syaoran and Eriol looked much more handsome and mature than the last time I had seen them. I finally accepted the fact that we were all getting older, and that many things were changing. We exchanged hugs between the four of us. When I hugged Syaoran my heart started beating faster. I still loved him and I wished that our embrace had been a romantic one, but it was only a hug among good friends. I sighed inside my mind but decided to forget about it – after all, I was lucky enough to see him again. Sakura and I stepped into Syaoran's house for a chat with him and Eriol. Together we talked of the old times. Of elementary school, middle school, high school, and the card captor days…everything from beginning to end. As we recalled fond memories of the past, we laughed together as well as cried together.

After we had a talk about various things in Syaoran's house, we got into Sakura's car. Sakura drove us to the mall, where both she and I went crazy with shopping, and dragged the guys around everywhere with us.

"Well, that's the last of it," Sakura said with a grin, as she loaded on the clothes and accessories we bought into her car from the shopping cart.

"You'll have to model all these for me," I said with starry eyes. "And of course I'll be making clothes for you to model too.

"Oh, Tomoyo," Sakura laughed, "I thought we were over that!"

I replied, "Nope! I need a model for my clothes if I'm going to be a famous fashion designer someday."

Eriol said with a soft smile, "I guess old times never change." Then Syaoran and Eriol both complained that they were tired, even though I knew they were enjoying the time with us. I even caught the two smiling at Sakura and I once in awhile.

Afterwards, the four of us went to get some ice cream, so we could all just sit and relax. Sakura bought strawberry ice cream for herself, chocolate ice cream for Syaoran, mint chocolate chip for Eriol, and vanilla for me. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the soothing voices of my friends holding a conversation.

We visted a few more places later in the day. After that, the day was getting dark and turning into to night, so we headed home.

"So, where are we going first?" Sakura asked behind the wheel.

"Well, Eriol's staying the night at my place," Syaoran said. "So you can drop us both off there."

Sakura nodded and said, "I guess we're going there first, then."

"Today was great! I've never had so much fun!" I exclaimed, jumping up and down at the front door when we were at Syaoran's house. Sakura agreed.

"I don't want to leave," I said with a small frown.

"We'll all see each other again," Syaoran said. Eriol nodded. Syaoran, Eriol, Sakura, and I all exchanged a few last hugs and words before Sakura and I went back in the car.

When we were at my house, Sakura said good-bye, and then she drove off. I went inside, and Sonomi asked me about the day. I told her all about it, and all the wonderful things that had happened. The day I'd been waiting so long for was finally over, and now all that I would be anxiously waiting for would be Tokyo University.

**Mona-chan: **Did you like it? I hope so! Although it was really short and it wasn't good because I didn't plan where the four of them were going when I planned the meeting date. I'm kind of doing it as I go… –sigh- This place is pretty empty now that I don't get to reply to my reviewers…that makes me pretty bummed out. I am making a **promise **that the next update longest time will be three months (I know, it's a long time but it's better than 6 months)…and if I run into some disaster I will email you all to alert that I will not be updating for awhile. And you can bombard me with complaint emails. Please do R & R, I enjoy them so much! Thanks and bye!


End file.
